Have you ever had one of those situations in a meeting or when talking to someone when you feel tense, uncomfortable, anxious and you just want it to be over?

Or maybe you sometimes feel that some people are more intelligent or somehow better than you and when you speak to them you get a bit lost in your own thoughts, maybe even not saying much because you don't want to look stupid?

And then you kick yourself because someone else suggests the same thing you were thinking and everyone responds positively. It could have been you who said it!

Putting People On A Pedestal

Obviously there is nothing wrong with admiring somone who is gifted at some skill, or wanting to learn from them.

However, recently I was working with a client who felt way, way down the pecking order at work and put everyone on some higher level in her mind compared to herself.

In meetings she would be reluctant to speak because her managers had been doing it longer, knew more and she thought she would make an idiot of herself. She would try to avoid giving her opinions and even try and avoid speaking to senior managers or others who she felt knew so much more than her. 

In these situations she would feel tense and anxious. Sometimes somone wlse would say the very thing she had been thinking and she'd mentally kick herself about her failure to speak up.

So how did we easily change this?

Instantly Feel More Confident

As well as breaking up current patterns, boosting self belief and learning to install positive self-talk, my client also found one technique particularly useful.

And it is as simple as learning to NOTICE and then MANAGE your POSTURE.

When we feel tense, anxious or uncomfortable we reflect that in our posture. We may visibly shrink (as if to make ourselves less noticable), we slump and hunch and look down.

I discussed this with my client and she went away to practice noticing, and then changing, her posture. In meetings she looked up and sat up taller and even when on the phone, instead of slumping in her chair, she stood up and put more energy into her conversation.

A week later she told me that her interactions with others had been transformed. She'd had several meetings with senior colleagues and even had a long chat with the head of the business over the phone. She'd felt more in control and more empowered and this had been reflected in her participation and the positive response she got from others. Then she felt even more confident - a virtuous circle of confidence had been installed.

Be More Confident

So here's my challenge for you over the next week: In any situation where you start to feel anxious or uncomfortable, I want you to notice your body language and posture and then change it. Whether you stand up, move about, move your arms, look up or imagine sitting/standing a bit taller, just practice and have some fun with it and soon you'll find your levels of confidence start to soar.


Dan Regan

Dan Regan Hypnotherapy Ely, Cambridge, Newmarket