Can Other People Tell How You Feel? Hypnotherapy Vlog
In this video I talk about the research that shows that we tend to overestimate the extent to which others can tell how we are thinking and feeling on the inside. If you feel anxious, for example, you will assume that other people can tell you are anxious and that your internal state leaks out far more than it actually does:
Can Other People Tell How you Feel?
Hello, it’s Dan here. I hope you’re good today. Now in my last video I talked about how we all have a tendency to overestimate how much attention people give to the things that we say and do, our external appearance, our external actions. We tend to overestimate and think people are paying much more attention to those things than is actually the case.
Something that I described in that video, that’s good news in terms of if you tend to worry about what people think, or there’s a fear of failure there, or messing up in front of people and being judged negatively in some way, then actually a lot of those fears you can just put to rest as because all the research suggests that people are paying far less attention to your external appearance, how you look, your shape, what you’re wearing, those kind of things, and your behaviours, than is actually the case.
Of course, the question then arises, what about our internal states, what about the kind of thoughts, feelings, sensations that are going on on the inside. Now, again, we all have a tendency to think that other people can pick up on those things. If we feel really nervous, or anxious, we think other people are aware of that which can make us feel even more nervous and anxious for example.
But, again, just like with our external appearance and our external behaviours, when it comes to those internal things, our thoughts, our feelings, our sensations, it turns out that, again, we overestimate how much attention people place on those things and how much of that kind of leaks out. We think it’s leaking out, we think that other people can tell, they can tell I’m anxious, I’m uncomfortable, I really feel like I’m shaking a bit, and other people are picking up on it. Because I don’t want other people to pick up on the fact that I feel anxious, I feel even more anxious and it becomes a bit of an ever increasing cycle. Feel anxious, hope other people don’t notice, assume they probably do, feel even more anxious about it, and more uncomfortable which can, again, add to just more things like anxiety, and it’s true of many internal states.
The research shows that people nervous telling lies assume that other people can pick up on it a lot more, can tell they’re lying far more than is actually the case. It’s true in terms of disgust. So they had people drink some foul tasting stuff and observers were unable to pick up, to a large extent, when they were drinking those, compared to when they were drinking things that were okay. And it’s true in terms of things when people are faced with emergency situations, we think our emotions, and our concern, and our alarms are showing far more than they are and that can add to things like by-stander non-intervention in things, because everyone thinks they’re showing more concern than they are but they’re actually not, as it’s not being picked up by other people, which means we all assume everyone’s quite relaxed and calm about the thing, which means no-one does anything because it can’t be an emergency, because everyone’s looking so calm about it, because we think we are showing more than is actually the case. And, again, just like with our external stuff, this is good news.
This means that, if you’re going somewhere and you think you might be a bit nervous, or a bit uncomfortable, or a bit anxious, the chances of other people picking up on it, and being really aware of it, are far less than is actually the case.
And what happens here is that, when we are trying to work out how much of our internal emotions, feelings, sensations, thoughts, are leaking out, we start with our own subjective judgement. We’re very focused on what we’re experiencing ourselves. We know other people aren’t as focused, they don’t have the same level of knowledge of what’s going on inside of us, but we still assume that more of that leaks out and they can pick up on more of that stuff than is actually the case.
And this is good news. That means that if, typically, you have tended to habitually worry about what people think or that people may be able to pick up that you’re anxious, or nervous, or feel uncomfortable in some way, even disgust. You know, someone cooks you a meal and it’s not that nice, they’ll probably not going to be able to tell from your reaction with it and, in many other situations, where there’s strong emotion, the chances are it’s leaking out, other people are picking up on it far less than is actually the case.
So, as with external stuff, in terms of that internal stuff, get out there and do the stuff you want to do, the chances of other people actually taking note of those things are far greater than you assume them to be, so keep that in mind. Other people aren’t picking up on these things to that extent which means that you can get out there and do those things, even if stuff makes you feel a bit anxious, or a bit nervous, or is one of those things that typically you wouldn’t do because of that worry, or being judged, or messing up, or looking an idiot, or failure in some way. The chances are that if it’s internal stuff or the external stuff you’re doing, the chances are that that’s not even a factor, so get out there, do the stuff you want to do, be happy and I will speak to you again very soon. Take care now.
Dan Regan
22 August 2019
Hypnotherapy in Ely and Newmarket
Seeking help to overcome your anxiety and boost your self-esteem? Want to end your worry about what others think and your fear of being judged? If so, you can book a Complimentary Hypnotherapy Strategy Session with Dan to discuss your goals now: Appointments
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